Category Archives: Mama Care

Nature Walks and Birthday Wishes….

One of the rhythms we are trying to get back to is that of a daily nature walk.  Quite apart from all of the benefits for the children, I’m a better person when I go for a walk every day and that is good for us all!

I have a birthday coming up at the end of the month.  A couple of people have asked what I would like.  I always seem to have lists, both mental and literal, of what the kids need or want, but for me?  There are a great many things that I want in this life, but don’t put me on the spot by asking what they actually are!

I’ve given it some thought and this is what I came up with…. I would like subscriptions to Taproot and Making magazines.    A new lens for my camera, you know, one where the auto focus function actually works.  And this book, which our library system persists in not having, no matter how many times I check.  And enough warm and soft wool yarn to knit a hood  and maybe some matching cabled mittens for those long, cold, winter walks.  And perhaps even more yarn for a cabled pullover?  Too may of those to link to…  And a bag with a zipper that reliably closes and stays closed, with pockets inside so that everything doesn’t get tangled up in a big jumbled mess and a pile of 2×4′s to build a bench in the mudroom which seems like it would solve any number of problems and charcoal grey wool fabric to make myself a skirt (perhaps something as simple as this?  Scratch that, I think I want this one) and something that blooms and smells sweetly for the dark days of winter.  I would love a pair of shoes that I actually like the style of, which also fit my orthotics and don’t pinch my toes and make them ache, but I think that’s probably too much to ask of any day, much less a mere birthday.  Mostly I think I’d be content with just a peaceful day, preferably one where I don’t have to make dinner.  And maybe a really good cup of tea.  Yeah, I want the tea too.

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The Handcrafted Wardrobe: take 2, a belated post

Trying again here!  And special thanks to Elijah for humoring me with more pictures.

Details: Cindersmoke Shawl in Cascade 220 from dear Corina.

I just finished reading Life Disrupted: Getting Real About Chronic Illness in Your Twenties and Thirties.  I found the last section, regarding relationships, the most useful.  Though what I could really use right now is resources on parenting chronically ill children.  So if anyone has suggestions there, please pass them along.

In her chapter about what she terms “Meltdown Mode”, she talks about how she could handle a seemingly endless barge of medical interventions, pain, and life threatening emergencies with grace and aplomb, only to break down, crying hysterically upon finding the wrong type of salad dressing in her take out bag.  On top of everything else to have some basic simple thing go wrong…you think, “I can’t even have this work out?!?”  It feels like a slap in the face.  I get it.  I’ve thought it.  I’ve done it.

And we all of us have our different break-down issues.  She goes on to say that her chronically ill father tends to lose it over waiting in lines or vague and confusing instruction manuals.  For me, I’ve come to see that clothing is a falling apart issue for me.  It’s hard enough to have the energy to get out the door, factor in corralling and organizing five children, and then to be faced with having nothing to wear that fits right or is comfortable or appropriate as well?  Too much.  I think that was kind of what I was trying to say with this post.  And why this project, which may seem frivolous and silly to some, is so important to me.

A very happy Thanksgiving to those of you in the US.  And I hope that all of you, everywhere, have a great many things to be happy for today. love, Melody

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Wrapped in Flannel: Part 2, now with words!

Iain took a stab at fixing the space bar and it now more or less works, provided you strike it just right.

And now for the items left unsaid on the last post…My second to last pair of pajama pants disintegrated just days before the big labor day fabric sales.  With the ability to purchase flannel at around $2.50 a yard, I thought it was time to treat myself to some new jammies.  But evidently my commitment was only tentative, because my shopping trip turned out much the way it usually does.  My plan was to make myself two nightgowns and three pairs of pajama pants.  Which seems reasonable enough.  But as I approached the cutting table, I started to get nervous about spending money at all and specifically on myself, so I decreased the amount of, or completely eliminated, the fabric that was slotted for projects for me, while leaving the fabric that was meant for the children.

The result being that when I got home, I discovered that this green flannel, originally intended for a nightie that I was really excited about, was the only length of fabric big enough to cut a pair of women’s pajama pants out of. So I made them, with a pang of regret for the much wanted, but less needed nightgown.  And as soon as they were off the machine, I slipped out of the tattered leggings I was wearing, depositing them directly into the trash, and slipped into these.  I would probably be wearing them still, if I hadn’t been called upon to leave the house.  And even so, I spent some time considering if they could pass for trousers.

The bottoms situation is getting a little dire.  By the end of last week I was down to this pair of leggings, the afore mentioned “last pair” of not-long-for-this-world pajama pants and this new pair of pajama pants.  Which does not quite seem to be enough.  In desperation, I did finally try to fix the waistband on the olive leggings and managed to put a few holes in them in the process.  Word to the wise: velour does not like to be unpicked. But they are more wearable than they were.

I think the problem is two-fold.  One: it’s much harder to piecemeal together pants from what one might have around and, as mentioned, I have trouble investing in fabric (or clothing) for myself.  Of all of my Handcrafted Wardrobe projects so far, I’ve purchased fabric for one of them.  And that felt like a huge, somewhat guilt inducing, treat to myself.  Everything else has been made from whatever I have around.  And two: pants are boring.  At least the pants I wear are.  And as much as I might need them, I’d rather dream up and sew a dress or a top instead.  All the same, I think it’s clear what my priority needs to be!

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The Handcrafted Wardrobe: On Mothering Daughters and Self-Worth

‘As a child, I never heard one woman say to me, “I love my body”. Not my mother, my elder sister, my best friend. No one woman has ever said, “I am so proud of my body.” So I make sure to say it to Mia, because a positive physical outlook has to start at an early age.’ ~Kate Winslet

I take this quote very differently from how I did the first time I read it.  I can’t say that I’m at a place where I’m comfortable walking around declaring myself a ravishing beauty, and I’m not sure that I would ever want to be.  But this much I know; I am now a mother of daughters.  They watch me and from watching me they are learning how to move through this world as women.  If I tell them they are beautiful while being harsh with myself, they will instinctively see beauty in their own children, but never in themselves.  If I say that I don’t like my smile or my waist or my hair or my thighs, that there are parts of me I am ashamed of, what will they think when someone innocently tells them how much they look like me?  I am proud of my body.  Against many obstacles, It has grown and nourished five unique and amazing people.  I don’t think I can ask better of it than that.

Long time readers of my blog may remember that in years past, I was virtually unseen.  I am 5′ 0″, maybe 20? 30 lbs? over weight at the moment.  I have thinning hair and more stretch marks than smooth spots.  I have crooked teeth and chronic dark circles under my eyes.  When I’m unwell all of my veins show through the skin on my arms and torso like some kind of freaky 3D diagram of the circulatory system.  I can be ghostly pale and often appear just plain haggard.  Growing up the message that I was given by society is that women like me do not deserve to be seen.  That we have to be altered before we are worthy.  Worthy of what exactly I don’t know.  Everything it seems.

I want to say that there is nothing wrong with me, but that would be an outright lie.  But the things that are “wrong’ with me are the makings of my own private struggles and manifestations of my humanity.  There is nothing about me that makes my image unfit for public consumption.

I knew that with this project I would be opening myself up to judgement.  And I have.  But I feel very blessed to be able to say that in over 10 years of blogging in this space I’ve only received one nasty comment.

I’ve spent pretty much my entire adult life trying to find a comfortable and healthy relationship with the shape of my body.  And it has been a challenge because over the last 17 years of motherhood, that shape has altered time and again.  I have my set backs, but mostly I accept and embrace what is.  In recent years I’ve been caught off guard in finding that I have a hard time seeing myself look sick.  I find it upsetting.  It makes me feel fragile and I find myself avoiding mirrors and cameras.  In part this project is a way of forcing myself to face myself.  I’ve found that I have to desensitize myself to my own image.  And a couple of years ago I started consciously doing just that. To try to be comfortable with sharing a picture even if my hair is a mess or I don’t like the look on my face or the way an outfit fits.  To get used to being me in the world, with all of my flaws and imperfections.  For me to accept who I am without fear or concern about what others will think of me.  Because that is what I want to teach my daughters, in all of their flawed, imperfect, deep, and eternal beauty.  That is the gift I want to give to them.  And I am not fit for this work of going against the world and myself and all I’ve been taught, but I plan to keep on trying all the same.

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The Handcrafted Wardrobe: Just for Fun

I’m somewhat at a loss.  I had planned what I wanted to say, but nothing went as planned, right down to these very pictures I’m sharing.  And really I just want to have a little temper tantrum and kick my feet and scream.  But, since I’m a big girl (but really mostly just because I don’t want to wake the baby) I fixed myself a cup of relaxing tea, put on some classical guitar music and took a great many deep breaths instead.

How my dress came about: Someone was giving away a couple of vintage floral sheets.  I snapped them up telling the lady how I make dresses out of this sort of thing, while Steve simultaneously talked about all of the other fabric I already have in a pointed sort of way.  I/we all have been having a really rough couple of months (years/life).  On a whim I decided for sanity’s sake to do something completely frivolous to break up the funk.  It was a two part plan: Find a way to go out alone for a few hours with my husband on his birthday and make a new dress to wear for said occation.  I figured this huge swath of free fabric was my one chance to indulge my dramatic side in making a really, really full skirt.  I can be wearing the dress, grab a fistful of fabric on each side, raise my hands up over my head, and still be completely covered.  The skirt is that full.  I completed the dress exactly two weeks after his birthday.

How her dress came about: She made several comments about wanting a dress made with the “beaufufull” flowers.  I made several frazzled, distracted comments about wanting to pair that fabric with an old pattern I had, but not being sure when I would find the time.  Elijah looked at the pattern, looked at the fabric, looked at his sister, and went and made her a dress.

For my dress I paired the Princess Bodice and the Box Pleat Circle Skirt patterns from Gertie’s Ultimate Dress Book: A Modern Guide to Sewing Fabulous Vintage Styles, with an improvised, home-made crinoline for underneath.  Seraphina’s dress is McCall’s 3809 from 1972 I think.

I think I owe it to myself to say that that dress was a whole lot of work.  Obviously, it is rightfully going to be over-shadowed by toddler cuteness and brotherly love.  It looks simple, but it. was. a. lot. of. work.  And I thought I should at least do myself the honor of recognizing that.

And it was all really in vein because I can’t think where I would possibly wear it.  If anyone is planning on hosting a fancy garden party, do give us a call.

 

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The Handcrafted Wardrobe: Refashion Candidates

First up some details about my sweater in progress.  I’m making a Calligraphy Cardigan (love that name).  I think it will be just right for all of those autumnal hikes I’m praying I have the chance to take.  It’s not my highest knitting priority at the moment, but I’m still hoping that putting in a bit of time here and there will let me finish it by cool weather.

My “Just for Fun” project is nearly complete.  I really needed something frivolous and not the least bit serious to counterbalance some intense situations in my life.  And while it felt like just what I needed in that moment, I was also making it for a specific event, which has now passed (because rushing and pushing myself for something entirely unnecessary was decidedly not what I needed) and now I have absolutely no idea where I would ever wear it.  I’m feeling a little panicky, like autumn is bearing down on me, and perhaps this particular detour was not such a good one?  I now need to get very serious about some practical sewing, not just for myself, but also for my children.

I thought I would start by trying to make something of a couple of pieces which currently aren’t of use to anyone, but still have a bit of life left in them, and seeing if I could make them useful again.

This first sweater was accidentally sent to us.  I believe it’s a men’s sweater.  When I asked the two man shaped people in my house if either of them was interested in it they scoffed and looked at me like I was nuts.  It’s not like I picked it out!  I just wanted clearance to cut it up!

It’s 90% cotton and 10% cashmere, so quality fabric worth trying to make something of.

I’ve had this basic cotton cardigan for maybe 6 years now?  Every outfit that I put it over suddenly turns all frumpy, and not in a good way.  Plus there is that weird, slightly off thing with the button band and also, this hole…

This was one of my favorite shirts of Steve’s because it’s incredibly soft to cuddle up to.  But it’s life as a men’s shirt was cut short by a building accident….

Classy, no?

I have no idea what’s going to come of any of these projects, but there is nothing lost by cutting them up and giving it a try.  Something to think on this week: is there anything around your house that’s just dying to be made into something new?

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The Handcrafted Wardrobe: Guest Post by Dandy

I am very pleased to welcome my neighbor, friend and mentor Dandy to this space today! 

The day I stopped by to photograph Dandy for this piece was the first time I had been in her room since they did some remodeling and I just couldn’t resist photographing that as well.  Without further ado, I give you Dandy….   

Smiling My Way Through the Day

Living in the woods makes me wear browns and greens; it’s all that digging up of rocks and being still to observe wild life.  It has been a delightful quiet existence, but hermit time is now over.  I am leading an exercise class and dancing with a new troupe.  It’s time to bring more color into my life.  We all have so much beauty and uniqueness to share, and the gentlest way to mesh with others (aside from commenting on the weather) is to simply **present oneself**.

COLOR: What colors represent me best today AND do I want combinations that clash or not?  Clashing is always an interesting statement- one that I rarely utilize.

FABRICS: I love rayon & linen.  Wool, cotton, silk & synthetics are all there for us.  Do you ever mix fabrics?

As a late adapter, I have at last embraced leggings!  God, I love leggins. But then more attention needs to be paid to socks and shoes.

I LOVE socks!  My current favorites are tan with worms crawling on them.  More and more of us are shopping at “Sally’s” and “Willy’s” (Salvation Army/ Goodwill), but they can only sell new socks, of which they have so few.  So I buy socks at the best-in-the-world little small town hardware/general store.

ACCESSORIES: People who live in the woods understand that dressing up to go out means putting on earrings, so make that jewelry perfect for you.  I’ve taken to wearing a necklace that jingles an enchanting tinkling sound while I walk, sending it’s own pretty greeting.

I think if we spend maybe five minutes before we dress, checking in on our mood, life might be more fun.  Do my clothes reflect me and my mood accurately, or shall I dress to bring in something I wish to feel- “bass ackward” as they say.

Either way, I find that if you are AWARE that you are presenting your self as a gift to your fellow passengers on this planet, it makes for more delightful interactions…..a wee butterfly just landed on my hand as I write this; she concurs.

Note from Melody: I asked Dandy to tell the story behind the sets of earrings that she made for herself and her daughters….

When I was in the middle of child rearing, I came to a point where I desperately needed something creative to do for myself that used very little energy. I went to bed one night asking/begging for help. In my lucid dream that night, I was on top of a huge rock behind our house – the rock abutted an almost vertical cliff, out of which grew a lovely hemlock with exposed roots. As I sat on the rock, a small man around 3″ high – very grave, serious person- came from the earth beneath the roots of the hemlock. His wife was right behind him. They showed me earrings made in a book form.

The earrings I made are what the small man showed me.

Dandy is a 63 year old happily married woman with four adult children, who loves to listen to 100 year old people; dance with a dance troupe; and water big pine trees’ bark in the hot sun. She loves seeing earth spirit images in bark, snorkeling with her husband in the ocean and making forest paths to enable fellow humans to walk in the woods without ticks dropping on them.

A huge thank you to Dandy for joining us today!

What’s inspiring you this week?

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An Open Letter to Sufferers of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, POTS, Lyme Disease and Chronic Illness in General

Because I am sometimes contrary, in the very post after I stated that I rarely talk about chronic illness in this space, I’m now talking about just that.

I often get asked for advice about living and cooping with chronic illness.  In the most recent round of emails I felt like I was talking to more than just the person I was writing to, so I decided to share some of my thoughts here.

No matter how alone you feel, know that you are not actually alone.  That there are many people who know your pain.  Too many people.

Creative thinking is your best friend.  Think about all of the things that you love to do and the things that you need to do, the most important things, and find ways to make them easier.  Readers of my blog know that for me one of those things is knitting.  Supporting my elbows on a nursing pillow has helped to eliminate a lot of strain on my body.  Perhaps a special mat at the kitchen sink or stove would help to alleviate pressure on your joints?  Maybe you really do need that air conditioner or extra pillows to support yourself during sleep or just a really comfortable place to sit and rest.  Seemingly little things can make a big difference in quality of life for us.

Make your home and life accommodate you in as many ways as possible, not just in what you surround yourself with, but how you approach tasks.  For example being in the garden might be easier during certain hours.  For me that’s before the sun breaks the treeline or after it sinks below it or on cooler, overcast days.  Instead of bending or kneeling to work try sitting with all of your tools in reach, maybe on an old folded up blanket for a cushion.  Weed or plant as far as you can reach and then slide over to the next spot.  Find ways to keep doing what you love.

Nature is the great healer.  Seek solace in the great outdoors.  I say this full well knowing how complicated that statement is for those with Lyme.  A stunted half-life confined indoors with fear is often harder.

If your children are affected, forgive yourself for not knowing sooner, for not understanding what it would be like.  Guilt can not help them now, only love and commitment can.  Forgive your own parents for not having or seeking the answers.  In most cases, they just didn’t know.

A hot bath can take the edge off of many kinds of pain (just be careful not to pass out getting out of the tub!).

Diet makes a huge difference for myself and my family.  My husband could eat a brick and his body wouldn’t notice, while the rest of us have to turn away many healthy foods because we can’t handle them, never mind the junk!  It’s hard.  Very hard.  But it keeps us going.

Try to find ways to manage your pain.  You won’t always be able to tough it out.  Hurting people tend to be angry people and angry people tend alienate the ones they love.

Sometimes all you can do is hope that tomorrow is a better day.  That’s ok.  It might be and it might not be, but never lose hope.  Never lose hope in the future.  Never stop trying to find ways to improve your quality of life, but (!) do not wait until that miraculous “someday” when things are “better” to start living your life.  This is the one body you get.  The one life you get.  Use them both to their fullest.

Try to take the time to find beauty in life and be grateful for something everyday.  Some days this will be hard.  Some days it will be impossible because you won’t be awake for long enough or lucid enough or able to tolerate your pain.  Keep trying.  The first day that you can is, in and of itself, something to be thankful for.

Resist the temptation to define yourself by your illness.  It is an aspect of your life, perhaps even a very large aspect, but it is not who you are.  Chronic illness takes so much from a person, do not let it take your identity as well.

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The Handcrafted Wardrobe: Thinking Ahead

I’ll have a new project to share soon.  Having spent the better part of this last week feverish and swollen and snotty, posing for pictures did not rank high on my agenda.  Besides, I’ve already shared a “Thinking Ahead” project.

I knew going into this project that it was going to be a hard sell.  The majority of my readership consists of mothers.  Convincing mothers to take the time to make things for themselves?  Talk about themselves?  Think about themselves?  Post pictures of themselves?? I smile and nod at all the lovely women I know who tell me that they plan on joining in, knowing that most of them will not get around to it.  And that’s ok.  We all know how it goes!  But every week I get emails and comments from people telling me that they have been inspired by these posts.  And there always seems to be an interesting dialog going in the comments.  It’s a good thing.  I want to hear more voices and see more people get involved.  I’m very grateful to those of you who have bravely shared your projects thus far!

To answer a couple of questions and just as a reminder…..

* Anyone can join this community!  Male, female, young, old, all are welcome!  In my opinion, the more diversity, the better.  This whole project is about discovering and sharing your own unique sense of style and no two people are going to have the same thoughts or projects to share, which is the true beauty in this.

* You do not have to post a project.  You can share an idea, thoughts about fabric, inspiration, plans for the future, musings on self care and your own process of cultivating your own personal sense of style.

* You may add photos to the link up from a blog, Facebook, Flickr and I believe, Instagram.  If you’ve never done it before, the process is really quite simple.  If anyone needs help with this, please feel free to contact me.

Our next challenge is July 25th – Luxury, now you know you want to get involved with that!

I am very excited about next week!  As I mentioned at the start of all this, from time to time I plan on bringing in a guest blogger to talk about style, sewing/knitting, the process of self discovery and anything else that might come up along the way!  My first guest is very near and dear to my heart, so I am hoping you will give her a particularly warm welcome!

And you? What are you working on/dreaming about/discovering this week?

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The Handcrafted Wardrobe: On Color

I had a big, full post planned for this week, but I’ve been under the weather these last few days, so you are getting some brief musing on color instead.

It has not been lost on me that all of the creations I’ve shared so far have been blue.  It’s true that the cowl I recently made is grey, but I’m not really sure that will remain mine.  It feels like it maybe should belong to someone else.  And my new sweater is brown!  And done!  Buttons, blocking and all.  I love it and I will post finished pictures of it, just as soon as this heat wave breaks.  Because while I love it, I don’t love it enough that I’m willing to pass out just to be wearing it.

Still, I’m obviously in a very blue place.  The attributes of blue as listed in Knit the Sky by Lea Redmond, for the purposes of a “mood ring” cowl: “sad, fearful, disappointed, exhausted, heartbroken, unappreciated, restless, unable to let go, shameful, hesitant.”

Well, that’s kind of depressing!  Still, I can see how some of that rings true for me at this moment in life.  Though I’m not sure that exhausted is a strong enough word.  The truth is I have been feeling heartbroken and sad for various reasons.

Brown is “rooted, connected, centered, balanced, whole, secure, natural, earthy“.  I feel some of that too, which seems like a step in the right direction.  I’d like to turn that beautiful brown yarn up there, from dear Corina, into something for me, but I haven’t quite decided what.  Four hundred and thirty yards of possibilities.

What do you think?  Can color choice influence mood and vice versa?  I believe it can.  Though not in a one size fits all kind of way.  While there are general cultural associations with certain colors, there are also personal ones.  Like in my case, blue is one of my favorite colors and I find it soothing, which is why I painted my bedroom blue and perhaps why I’ve been so drawn to it lately?

Don’t forget, next week is comfort week!

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