Working on my planning for the year. Hoping that by the end of the day these stacks of papers and lists will be a lot fuller then they are now.
I’m meeting this new year with extremely mixed emotions. I love the promise of a new year, the fresh start, all that good stuff. Truly. It’s my favorite time of year. But this time, this year? I am physically and mentally not up for the challenge. Part of living with chronic illness means there are good periods and bad ones and I found myself coming into the school year in an extremely low energy, low ability time. Bottom line: I’m exhausted on our laid-back summer schedule. When I think about the coming year I can picture myself teaching kindergarten and second grade and doing them well. When I add in 6th grade and 8th grade? Well, that’s when everything goes black as my mind spirals into panic. The honest, from the heart truth is that if we had access and the financing to send the older two to a Waldorf school or a private school that we felt could meet their needs, we would be trying that this year. But that isn’t an option. And our local public schools are not a good match, for a number of reasons. And so we will muddle through. This isn’t the first year where circumstances have felt daunting. And it’s not the first year that I’ve considered other options. There have been other years when it’s all felt like too much to handle. And we’ve always made it through anyhow. I’m trying to have faith and hoping for the best.
Iain just came in moaning about how over-whelmed he felt by his room which needs a thorough cleaning. In an effort to empathize I shared how over-whelmed I felt with planning for our school year, trying to make the point that the only option for either of us was just to start and try to chip away at it bit by bit until it seems more manageable. He got all 13 year old snarky with me commenting on how he didn’t care a bit if I didn’t get it done as he hates school work anyway. I got decidedly snarky right back. I’m working so hard, too hard, to be resented and argued with. Some days it’s just too much.
It does me good to hear that other people are struggling from time to time. Not that I revel in their struggles in anyway, it’s just reassuring to know that it doesn’t work out perfectly every time for everyone. That it isn’t always easy. That there are days and times that are downright over-whelming and seemingly bleak, not just for me, but for every homeschooling parent and no doubt every parent no matter what their chosen mode of education. But perhaps even more so for homeschoolers. This is not an easy path, for all that it feels like the right one for us. For people who haven’t been there and don’t know what I’m talking about, it’s a lot of work! A lot. Many of the homeschooling families that we know in real life who started off on the same road as us have not continued homeschooling into some of the more advanced grades as we have and we have more children to contend with then almost any of them. With each passing year the pool of fellow homeschoolers dwindles considerably.
No one wants to come and read a blog where someone sits and whines all day and I have no intention of this space turning into that. Generally I post here about all that is well and wonderful in our lives and goodness knows there is just so much of that. But the reality is that that is just a glimpse into our world, not a full picture, and we have our low points and our struggles just as others do. I would love to open up a dialog about this with others in this space if there is interest. Fellow homeschoolers- how is your planning going? What are you struggling with? What feels good and what feels like a burden? Inspire me. What kinds of fresh ideas and concepts are you going into the new year with?
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Coming back at the end of the day to say that I did accomplish a lot and it’s a comfort to have a game plan of sorts. I also had a heart to heart with Iain, my dear melancholic/choleric boy. His issue is not with homeschooling, but with the fact that he has to be schooled at all and can’t just do whatever he wants at all times. His strong preference is to stay at home, which gives him more freedom and flexibility then any other option. I made it clear to him that I wish to honor that and I will continue to do my best to make it as enjoyable a process as possible…however, I don’t have the strength for the planning and teaching right now, I simply can not handle whining, complaining and arguing on top. So if he wishes to remain at home he needs to agree to be cooperative, productive and positive. We shook hands on it. Guess we’ll see how it goes.
p.s. a lot of the planning sheets that go in my homeschooling binder, including the “Long Range Planning” one above, come from this site. Many of them have been extremely helpful to me over the years.
I know exactly how you feel. Homeschooling is a lot of work and can be so darn overwhelming!!! I have three kids, and I live in a very rural place, where there are not a lot of homeschooling families. Every year, their numbers shrink, as they opt to send their kids to school.
I don’t know if I can inspire you… since I am feeling equally overwhelmed at the moment, and I don’t have a chronic illness to deal with!
We are part of a homeschooling association, where we get a yearly allotment of money for curriculum. We drive one and a half hours (one way!) once a week to take a couple of classes there and to meet with other homeschooling families. It’s a great way to feel connected to others who know what I am going through. I find it’s really important for me to connect with these moms, because otherwise I would feel terribly isolated as a homeschooling mom.
They also offer great support via their homeschooling consultants, which is great as well.
I don’t know if you have something like that in your area or not, but it has been helpful to me.
I don’t know how you do it with your chronic illness… It must feel terrible to be so low energy. I really love how you dealt with the situation with Iain. It sounds like you were firm but loving, and you set your boundaries! Good for you!
I can’t write too much right now, since my kids are breathing down my neck wanting breakfast, but I just wanted to reach out and remind you, and all of us, to be gentle with ourselves. Guilt and pressure make everything worse. When I get to the point you are at, my husband Steve reminds me of the overall picture. “Look at our kids”, he says. “See how well adjusted they are. They are great kids. They love nature, know how to entertain themselves, read voraciously…. Who says they have to be geniuses in math?” And then I take a step back and stop comparing myself and my kids to the mainstream, and I sigh a sigh of relief, and all is well. At least for a day.
Sending much love your way!
Corina
I don’t have a chronic illness so I can’t even imagine what that must be like, but I do know what it’s like to be overwhelmed and struggle with homeschooling. I tend to take care of everyone else first and forget about me to the detriment of us all. I have a feeling my sometimes extreme introversion plays a role here.
It got so bad this time last year that I enrolled two of my three in the local public school. For the one it wnet just fine as it was 4-yr old kindergarten, but for my then 2nd grader it was a bot of a disaster for which I take partial responsibility. The rest is probably a mess of things that on my worst days I still manage to blame myself for.
It was stressful and chaotic and while a had more time to pursue my own passions, it wasn’t necessarily “better” just…different. I only have a 3rd grader and one in K so you have my admiration for tackling four. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll be able to handle the third when it comes to her turn.
Anyway, be gentle with yourself. :0) My personal motto is “It could always be worse.”
I’m wondering if there are any retired teachers or college students who would be willing to barter/trade for teaching some of Iain’s more difficult classes? A lot of people are going back to bartering. I like the idea.
I have watched you from afar and wondered how the heck you do it all, so thank you for being so honest- of course this can’t be easy for anyone, but it is easy to think other people have it figured out and are not finding it so difficult. This is my first year homeschooling more than one grade, and one is just kindy, so I can only imagine the overwhelm of 4. You are doing an amazing thing, Melody! I’m glad you are working things out with Ian, it feels so much more worth it when it feels like you are all playing on the same team! I’ll be cheering you on from here- hoping it goes as smoothly as possible for each of your children, and that it feels fun and inspiring more often than not. And if you want to send some positive thoughts for getting through this year with 2 grades and a baby, I would take it!
hugs, Taisa
Carol- I’m all for the idea of bartering, but I honestly don’t have anything to trade. No time, money or energy for a commitment to another person outside our house.
Corina- Your husband is a smart man!
mamaraby- It is true that it could always be worse! I’m feeling much more optimistic just now. Doing a little better health-wise and hoping for the best.