Iain and I just had an important hike together. I think it was a real turning point for him, and really for me too. One of the first of what I’m afraid will be many growing up type disappointments.
Lately he’s been hinting about; showing some skepticism in regards to Santa. If any of you are really long-time readers, you might remember that in the beginning we didn’t do the Santa thing. There came a year when the children asked if Santa could come to our house and so we said yes. They immediately embraced the tradition and, kid like, showed no signs of ever having lived any other way.
He’s made several comments in front of the little kids now. With a new nearly-seven year old in the house and the reemergence of the “Rhyme Elves” I thought that now might be the right time for “the talk” (one of many I hear). So we took a little expedition into the woods, on the trail where he spent so many of his youngest days, and we talked. It seems that wasn’t quite asleep last Christmas when we were bringing out the gifts for the stockings and he overheard Steve talking about them. I found out after I confirmed that yes, indeed, it was us that he was still holding on to small glimmers of hope, why else would the carrot be chewed??
I think there is a big difference between knowing and knowing. I’m sad to see this time of wonder come to an end for him. I hope he’ll be able to recapture a bit of it in creating traditions for his own family, or maybe even in the coming years with his siblings. As part of that I’m encouraging to take part in our traditions from this new view. I’ve promised to wake him some night this week to put an entry into Elijah’s Wonder Book. And perhaps he’ll be let in on some of the secret contents of the stockings this year as well.
I do hope that I did the right thing and that it really was the right time for him. I tried hard to explain as best as I could that in a way Santa is real, just not in the way that he knew him. That he is love and sharing and giving and that it’s just as amazing that all of that can happen in one night, even if it’s not just one single person doing it. I don’t know. I have a feeling that I have lots of years of stumbling ahead of me. Unfortunately this poor boy of mine is going to have to deal with the brunt of my blunders as we blaze a trail through this new and uncharted (for us) territory.
He came back home laden with gifts for his little brothers.
And as we were leaving the woods to me he said, in a quiet sort of voice, “Mama, I might forget”
Aw, tough stuff. Poor lad. I’ll bet that if he doesn’t “forget” he will be so proud to take part in the filling of the stockings. That is what I found. Although I have a 5 year old at home, I have three grown daughters (same marriage, same husband) and as they went through these passages there was always a benefit on the other side.
This post brought tears to my eyes!
I am anticipating similar events for me coming up, as my oldest little one is 8 years old already.
I imagine how this must have felt for you. I am sure you did the right thing and he will always appreciate your open honesty with him.
And he now enters into a new and wonderful phase of “knowing” and participating in the giving and wonder you help create for the little ones.
Even after my kids “knew” and had been told by us, I could tell that they still sort of believed sometimes. Whether it was b/c they wanted that magic still or that part of their imaginations still believed I don’t know. So far they both still want to put out cookies for Santa and talk about Santa coming – even though they know he isn’t “real”. They *still* love the tradition, love the stories and love pretending. (They are 8 and 11 now.)
And my 8 year old really KNEW Santa wasn’t real when he awakened in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve and saw me getting stocking stuff ready. *sigh* He’d been told before then, but that cemented it…
I think you handled this so gracefully.
Perhaps you shouldn’t see this as an end of wonder but an expanding of wonder. All the things you sited about love and giving are philosophical wonders that his developing brain can begin to really grapple with.
I love that he brought woodland gifts to his brothers. He has a heavy conversation and still brings back gifts. Amazing soul.
Awwww. We don’t do Santa for our younger two, but we did for our older two children. When my oldest found out that Santa wasn’t real, it became his job to fill his younger sister’s stocking.
You handled it wonderfully. You might be fumbling, but you obviously are fumbling well to have such a wonderful young man. We don’t really do ‘santa’, christmas and gifts from family and friends, we do and my Melodie-girl understands that it is a special time of year, but she could care less about santa, so far.
This reminds me of a transition that I have heard, where one trys to bring the older child into becoming a “keeper of the magic” for all the goodness and wonder and the world needs helping hearts and hands in order for it to manifest. I think that a child can “know” and yet, still believe in the magic, and still enjoy the family traditions. It sounds like you did it well. It reminds me of my nine year old’s question yesterday. “How does the baby get into your belly? …HOW does it get there?!” Not quite sure how to answer that one either!