I encountered a bit of criticism on one of my ‘habit’ posts last week. It was just a little bit, but it was severe (and no, I didn’t erase any comments here, it’s also posted on Flickr and I received private emails on it as well). I’m sure there are others who felt similarly, but kept their judgment to themselves. I knew I was opening myself up to that when I posted it and I was and am ok with that.
What my critics have failed to understand is that by 3 am, when you’ve not gotten any sleep, after scrubbing chunks of vomit off of the entire bathroom floor while gagging and dry heaving from your own queasy stomach, after singing and rocking and tucking in the child that took a tumble, after settling the sick one in bed, with words of comfort and a cool cloth on his head, and leaving the finally calm baby for just a couple of minutes, while you go and get yet another diaper (for the fourth diaper change of the night), sometimes you need to step away for a moment, take a deep breath and center, just so that you can go on. And sometimes when you are in the middle of it all, you need to distract yourself, which for me, often takes the form of thinking about my next days post. And taking pictures for me is a way to channel that which is sometimes over-whelming in life. To assess where I am in that moment and go from there. Taking that 10 seconds to focus, both literally and figuratively, impacts how I respond to the next several hours. I think almost any mother would understand that.
I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs, I don’t smoke; creating beauty is my high. It’s what feeds me, it’s what keeps me going. There are much worse things to put out in the world. I like to think that instead of detracting from the greater good, I’m adding to it, just a little bit. And while a blurry picture of a smudged digital display on my oven, may not classify as most people’s vision of beauty, it’s what I had time for. I didn’t have time to sit and knit a row or arrange a vase of flowers, but I had that ten seconds. And I choose to take that ten seconds to capture where I was, right in that moment…feeling the intensity of that neon glow after all those hours slipped by, hours during which I had no idea what time it was or anything really beyond what I was doing right in that moment, coming up for air just then, standing there feeling rather smudged and blurry myself. And you know what? There is beauty in that. There is beauty in the real, nitty-gritty, dark and dirty details of life. There is beauty in the devotion between a mother and child. Sometimes it’s all too real and it’s ugly and messy and even foul, but that it continues on (until 3 in the morning and beyond), is beautiful. That I was able to see the humor in it, to laugh and make others laugh about it, that’s beautiful too. The fact that I knew that taking that moment, so that I could endure the next 40 or 100, doesn’t make me a bad mother, it makes me a better one.
Seriously? I don’t know what the criticism was exactly, but it seems to be that you were neglecting your kids in order to take a picture? If so, I don’t see how anyone could criticize a mother for taking a sanity moment. Unless, perhaps, they have never tried to raise a child, much less four children. There is nothing in the world that takes more out of a person than raising children. And sometimes, in order to continue caring and cleaning up vomit and sacrificing your sleep, patience, and everything else demanded of you, you have to stop, breathe deeply and remember that, in fact, this does matter and it is worth continuing, at all costs.
If we’re honest, we’ve all been there. And sometimes, when we refuse ourselves that break, it gets a whole lot worse before it can possibly get better.
I read your blog daily and never comment-yes, I am one of those people.. But today I felt compelled.
I do not know what people said/wrote to you, but I so so agree with what you have stated and in fact, sometimes seeing something like what you described helps us remember that we are indeed real mothers with real nights that are not always picture perfect-that is inspiration among the almost too perfect posts!!!
Good for you that you don’t take the negative to heart and you are confident in who you are as mama.
You’re awesome mama
You’re real – and many people can’t handle real. Keep tellin it like it is. Real is a breath of fresh air these days in a world where the surface appearance has become priority to the masses. I’m still amazed that anyone could read your lovely blog and not get the obvious about that post – I don’t know a soul who gives as much to their children as you do.
I am another that reads daily but doesn’t comment! =)
All I have to say is AMEN! You have such a way of wording things…..just beautiful!
Another lurker here who just had to pop in and say : “seriously??”
I don’t know what was said to you but that someone would go to the trouble of letting you know they disapproved for some reason? a) they have way too much time on their hands and b) if they have their own children, are probably knocking back some pharmaceuticals to breeze through the chaos, missing the nitty gritty beauty altogether.
When I saw this on habit I sympathized with you and chuckled at your story and I can’t imagine how anyone could form some sort of judgement on your mothering from this.
So anyway,…..hi….love your blog….sorry for being guilty of constant reading and never commenting
Good lord! Some people really are strange! To critisise you for taking a picture? I’m just impressed you could operate a camera at that hour! Well, I hope you replied to them and reminded them that they needn’t visit your blog again…thanks for sharing it with the rest of us though! x
seems like you have a lot of lurkers! well, here’s another
when i began reading this post, i admit i went straight to the origial before completing this one. i read it over and over and could not for the life of me think of what criticism anyone could make. so i came back here and discovered it was about the photo.
i read recently that hurting people hurt other people. that criticism comes from a perceived lack in one’s own self. and i also know that i’ve been guilty myself of making comments i’ve hoped were helpful, supportive, and loving, and they’ve come out sounding critical. i recently lost an online friend because she wouldn’t accept my apology for accidentally criticising her. i want to share that because my first instinct here was to agree with katie, “some people really are strange” – but especially as i didn’t read the comment, i will refrain.
instead i’ll say (finally, after all my blathering) that taking a photo at such a moment is something i would do too, to memorialise the moment if nothing else. infact, i’d take a photo of my sick child, and have done so – not for any horrid reason except that it’s life, and there is beauty and depth worth remembering in all of it.
another lurker here (good way to flush us out of hiding!) and yes, i totally agree with the others! for a start, when could be a more important time to take a minute to breathe than in the centre of chaos?! and secondly, it would be ridiculous if we were only ‘allowed’ to find beauty in staged, artificial, close-cropped moments and images! there can be as much beauty in truth, if not more so….
i hope everyone is feeling better by now too!
I was surprised when you said were criticized. Reading your blog as long as I have…that wasn’t the first time one of your children was sick(nor will it be the last) that you blogged about it and had a picture with it. I needed a break back when I only had Melodie, especially if she was vomitting because that is not something I tolerate well at all. Now with three…well I remember smiling at that post because I’ve had all 3 of them sick at once already. And last night I spent 5 hours in the er with Harmony because she stuck something up her nose…5 hours trapped in small rooms does not sit well with my 2 year old, it was a very long night and I doubt I could have gotten my camera turned on, let alone take a decent picture till all was said and done. I love your blog and have from the start and admire how you’ve handled your critics. Keep on being you, we love you for it!
I agree. I can’t imagine why on earth someone would criticize you here for taking some time out to take a deep breath. I find myself doing short reality checks/deep breaths particularly in the middle of the night – the only real quiet time. Sorry you were criticized – but thanks for always being honest in your posts.
sending love and much respect to a wonderful, caring, loving Mama xx
I can’t imagine a single thing in your clock-photo post that is even remotely deserving of criticism. And I don’t even have kids, so there!
Whoever send you negative feedback must have “issues” of their own. Keep doing what you’re doing!