I’m behind on the birthday sweaters.  Honestly, I’m behind on everything in life at the moment.  I’ve been sick; sick for a long time now.  And I didn’t mention it here because I didn’t want to talk about it or think about it or have it be true.  After my bout with Lyme at the very start of the summer, I developed some sort of auto-immune, post-Lyme syndrome.  Or at least that’s the best guess of various medical professionals.  It’s also possible that the Lyme triggered a re-occurrence of the auto-immune issues that I had previously experienced and worked so hard to heal.

Either way from a practical standpoint, what happened was I went from being the healthiest I’ve been in my adult life and very, very active to, at it’s worst, sleeping for 16-18 hours a day and being too exhausted to do almost anything else in those rare hours when I was awake.  I would literally fall asleep, sitting up, in public places.  Very embarrassing, that.  Thankfully that stage didn’t last long.  I’m doing better now, but I’m still not back to being myself again.  I don’t have anywhere near the stamina I once had.  I still need to go to bed with the kids (and my kids go to bed early) a couple nights a week.  I’m still worn out and tired pretty much all the time.  But I’m better then I was.  I’m up and around and doing things and pretty much living my normal life.  Except that I can’t push the way that I used to.  My body just gives out when I do.  It won’t let me keep going.

While I’m sharing this I might as well come out with it all and say that after working so damn hard, for so many years to heal from chronic illness, it was really devastating beyond words to find myself in this situation again.

So, I’m behind, in everything.  And the holiday season really doesn’t feel real to me this year.  Probably because I feel like I missed the two seasons leading up to it and all of the preparations that I usually make in that time.  Maybe it’s just that there’s no snow.

Back to the sweaters.  Màiri Rose will have a sweater for her birthday.  It’s now completely done.  I’ll post the details, with pictures of her wearing it, once it’s been gifted.

Iain’s is another story.  It’s more complicated and a whole lot larger.  And he’s much more aware of what I’m working on.  I’m getting close now.  I’ve finished the body and a sleeve, with the second on needles now.  But it also has a big shawl collar and a lot of finish work needed.  I just don’t know that I’ll make it in time.  So far I’ve managed to keep it a secret, only knitting at night and when he’s not around.  Even knitting sitting on a step stool, tub-side while the little ones have their bath (as in the photo above).  I hate to give it away at this point, when I’m getting so close, but I might not have a choice.  It’s really important to me to finish it.  I know it will be important to him too.  Maybe it shouldn’t be.  I know it’s not my fault and that I can only do what I can do and all of that.  But my illness is only a piece of the picture.  Of the many big, stressful, time consuming things that have been effecting us all for months now, some for better and some for worse (I’m not quite ready to talk about the rest of it yet).  There have been so many things that have been pushed aside, put off, neglected.  It’s by necessity, I know, with the decisions being the right ones for the moment.  But somehow I just can’t face one more disappointment.  One more thing that’s less then what it should be.  So, I’m just going to keep trying, and do the best I can.  And hoping that everything will work out in the end.